Stop Asking for Permission
I was in LAX with my family, Kauai bound.
While waiting to board I had mentioned to my husband that I wanted coffee, as if I was asking permission to go and get my double, 12 oz, White Chocolate, Breve Mocha. (Breve mochas are my jam!) The hubs said, "We're about to board, better not." I stayed behind. Ugh! Have you ever done or said something like that?
This minor incident woke up my soul!
What was I thinking?! Why did I give up my power for something so small? I could have totally grabbed a coffee and a snack for my hungry toddler and made it back in time! Even if I was just in the nick of time, and everyone was already seated. ("I like boarding last anyway. It's so easy and effortless when everyone is is done and seated," I reasoned with myself.) But alas, I stayed...Mocha-less and a hungry toddler.
I could theorize for days about why we as humans give up our power and ask others for permission to run our lives the way we want to, but the first reasons that come mind are simple:
- We don't want to take the full responsibility for our choices.
- We've made choices we're not proud of, and are not confident in ourselves.
- Someone has ruined our self-esteem around responsibility in some way, and we took it to heart.
- We are stuck playing some sort of pre-existing roles or games.
As I write these reasons above I am actually surprised and loosely disappointed. Is this me? I've always seen myself as so confident with an attitude of, "I run my life." But look! I gave up my power to get a damn cup of coffee. What a paradox! I usually feel so empowered and confident. Which of the top reasons above was most likely the case?
Why did I give it up?
(Jeopardy music plays while I think, analyze, assess...) It had to be the roles! Since being married, having children, and having to play all the roles it's like I'm a different person. This leaves me curious. Hmm. Are the roles we are playing areas in which we can discover a type of subtle co-dependency, one where giving up our power is the normal expectation? How do you play your roles or do you?
I have decided that divorcing myself from all "roles" is the best thing I can do in order to stop asking for permission!
If I know that my decisions won't throw anyone under the bus or be reckless, what the hell. I'm going to live my life AND be a good person. I choose to stop asking permission. I choose to start living in the moment, in the now, and acknowledge that every choice is an act of self-love and empowerment. As I empower myself, I empower others. As I am free to be, others are free to be themselves.
Does this resonate?
How about we make a pact! Everyday make 1 simple choice that empowers you! Whether that is to get your nails done, a massage, buy a magazine, take a bath (a bath without asking??? Good lord!...as I write this it sounds pathetic! But isn't it so true for SAHM or Mompreneurs!) Make sure your choices can stand the test of time. In other words, look at them like an investment! Take full responsibility. And this is important---Don't advertise what you're going to do; tell no one! (When you tell someone it's actually a form of asking permission.) Just make time to do whatever you want to do, and do it.
Every day. One choice. Empowerment.
About the Author
Leanne is a guest writer for Buzzy Blogs. She is an online life and biz coach, a freelancer writer, soul magician, mama of two boys, and the author of Be the Change Devotional. She is currently living in Los Angeles with her husband and family.